Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Your topless pictures make me question reality
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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