If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
