Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
