Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
