Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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