your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
