So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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