Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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