i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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