I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
