Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
