I'm eating all of the evidence.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
