I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We are all done wearing pants today
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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