im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
