accomplished twins. life is a go
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
