Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
