id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
