Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
