He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
