i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
