I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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