he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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