so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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