I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
