All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
