After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
