I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize