and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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