I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize