btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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