I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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