he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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