Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
