Why is your signature on my underwear?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
