After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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