and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so let's talk penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize