Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
