He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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