i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
