he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize