I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
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Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
