I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize