shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
