its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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