READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
