i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
