it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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