the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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