You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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