I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
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