I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
