you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
