Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
