Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
