I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
