Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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