Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
