You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
