i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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