i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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