It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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