You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
