my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i came on her dog
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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