Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
