in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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