My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I cockslap morals
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
