After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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