I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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